Wednesday, January 29, 2014

0 Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Being A Half Ass Monkey But Were Afraid To Ask



I know what your thinking, you think you know all about my mischevous behavior and why I do the things I do, but you my friend like The Beatles, are wrong! I must say though,  I do miss this little writing gig. 



It gave me a platform on which to express my distaste for Cancers and remind the Aquarius that broke my heart that ' this is my kind of love, it's the kind that moves on, it's the kind that leaves me alone ' ...don't feel too sorry for me though, I've done more than my share of monkeying around!
And I dont mean that in the literal sense, If your smart, your a monkey that lives in the world of the mind. 
Monkeys don't need to live out their fantasies, they live in a fantasy world.


It makes perfect sense that an old Chinese astrology book from the 70's would also rekindle my interest in what's going on with the planets and how it will affect the world. If you believe in astrology, then you know that planetary activities surely do affect world events just as much if not more than small trivial occurrences such as a spat with a lover. It's the manifestation of lots of little negative actions that build up and explode. Planets align in negative ways and most monkeys are ready to bounce. They have ' had it ' . So long and thanks for all the bananas. See you on the down low. It's been nice. Don't call me, I'll call you. That is classic monkey thinking. We don't think of stuff like " I should be good " my life will be less dramatic and stressful. We do what we want. 

Besides, it's not like anyone listens to my advice. What I have learned about astrology during the last year that I was forced to assume the ridiculous role of  ' in house astrologer ' is that there seems to be a lot of people that ignore sound advice. There is too much taken to heart and yet many people refuse to accept the general nature of themselves or others. They think they can change others instead of themselves.


So why should I think people will listen to a monkey advising he or she on their love life, family, or career based on my findings in the stars?! It's ludicrous! But then so is believing in our government, so what do you got to lose?! The ultimate shenanigans are done by politicians. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Ronald Reagan knew that the only thing more important than monkeys were aliens.




Back to this 70's book, I picked it up, and turned to the ' monkey ' section. There's a story about the author wrote about a friend who's a monkey. They are in Paris at an Antique furniture store. The writer describes the monkeys personality as one that gets what they want at any means but in a creative and playful way. They are left with a heavy piece of furniture and end up at the ' grungiest bar in Paris ' and find help moving the couch they purchased but cannot move on their own by casually flirting with a young man in the bar. The book was written in the 70's.  No, unfortunately the book does not document my affair with Evil Kneivel! But it does speak loudly of the general personality of a monkey. The writer, it turns out dedicated the book to ' my monkey ', so it was truly funny to find this book on a random bookshelf and realize that there is no new modern description of the monkey that is more fitting. The traits have always been there. We seem to find a way of getting our need met while in the midst of an ongoing shenanigan. 




Today is January 29th, 2014. According to many astrologers this is an intense day astrologically speaking. That Yellow bastard Pluto and Mercury are at it again. In fact, I think we need a Beatles song break before we read on. 




One sweet dream 
Pick up the bags and get in the limousines 
Soon we'll be away from here 
Step on the gas and wipe that tear away 
One sweet dream, came true today 
...But oh that magic feeling, nowhere to go 

The Beatles 



If you don't necessarily feel better now, then way to go. Your an authentic half as monkey. If your not, and entwined with one, then god bless you your the one that needs to read this! We already know ourselves, don't we monkeys? Our instincts are primal and therefore not understood by many.

A few days ago, this kid says tho me " Is that your dog? " as he looks at Charo, my chihuahua. Usually people love her and smile, she's so darn cute. Not this kid. He went on to tell me that by letting her rabbit pellet size poop sit on the downgraded grass median that I was ' polluting ' . I laughed at him, and as he walked home on the other side of the street from me and said " hi mom " to him mother, I thought, " what a little asshole, he'll be the same person in 30 years. Just an adult version. Arrogant with privileged thinking dependent on his mommy. Maybe that's cynical and I admit to a bit of envy. Who doesn't want the big house in a nice neighborhood and to see their mom as they walk home. I never had that. Or to have it so together that they get to see their bright faced smart ass kid who's a basic knock off of themselves come up the driveway and say " hi mom ". It's too late for me. So I admit to some envy. But not too much. We know were awsome and capable of feats the average bear couldn't dream of! 


 Besides, these kind of observations are made my all of us unconsciously. The last time I picked up my daughter at mid school, I made some really funny observations. First, I saw the overweight kid walking alone. He was furiously tearing into a bag of chips. I was only 2:30. By the time he goes to sleep, he will have been ignored, fed a mediocre dinner from parents who wish he was already in high school, wish he was good looking and thin and on the football team. He will go to the prom alone. Then there's the bleach blonde prima donna. She walks while looking in the mirror. She has mastered this since age 7. She has here own Facebook account and has already looked at wedding dresses and is has decided what  the name of her first born child will be. 


 Right behind her is the scholar. He's tall, gawky and carrying a 50 lb. backpack full of books no one has checked out in years. He does appreciate beauty though, he's riding a mountain bike and had an i pod on, most likely listening to Muse. 

Around the corner comes the black kid, he's the Spike Lee type, about 12, but on his cell phone already making plans for something that's bound to be offbeat yet important to current events. He's a mover and a shaker and he's most likely never met his dad because he's in prison. He spends some weekends with his grandparents when they can afford to visit from Eastern Washington, and occasionally his mothers 6 siblings kids, the ones he wishes he could forget about. But they remind him too much of his dad and the fact that he doesn't have a dad by smothering him over the holidays and ignoring him the rest of the year. They think he doesn't notice. He's be living in L.A. by college and only return to Seattle for funerals or graduations of cousins that he's chipped in on for college tuition.


This stuff isn't too hard to figure out, if you only look harder and don;t ignore the obvious.What ever your nature was as a young monkey/ adult will pretty much be your nature as an adult. You cannot escape your basic nature. At least most monkey know that they are monkeys. Do people born under the sign of the snake know that they are jealous and revengeful by nature? Do sheep know that they are, well...sheep? Don't get me started on the selfish nature of rats, if your ever left behind in a bank robbery, it will surely be by a rat-yes they live up to their name as well! Although is all fairness, Mozart and Shakespeare, not to mention John F. Kennedy were all rats.  All apologies for my bluntness. It's just the way things age, I did not invent the system! ...sigh... I think we need another music break.....






Day after day....alone on the hill
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
But nobody wants to know him 
They can see that he's just a fool 
And he never gives an answer 
But the fool on the hill 


See the world spinning round 

Back to the unavoidable subject of the planets on this day and the near future, lets break it down in monkey terms. According to the stars, if you were born in 1956, 1968, 1980, or 1992 ( God help us ) this is especially relevant to you. Now there are other monkeys that are not born under Capricorn.Specifically it goes like this: 

February 12, 1956 to January 30, 1957
January 30th 1968 to February 16 1969
February 16, 1980 to February 4th 1981

The only years that also apply would make you either over 60, at which point this is not relevant,  this is not for monkeys under 18 unless your at the top of your game and have big plans for the future. You better be ready to rise to the occasion, no matter what it is if you are in the younger generation. There is no good news for the future, besides that it is all in your hands and that only you can take away what you yourself have to give-good...or bad, constructive, or destructive. 

Look at me, look at me just called to say I'm alive
In such a small world, I'm all curled up with a book to read
I can make money-open up a thrift store
I can make monkey off a magazine 
I can design an engine 64 miles to the gallon on gasoline
I can make mew antibiotics
I can make a computer that survives aquatics
Conditions-I know how to run the business
And I can make you wana buy a product
Movers shakers and produces 
Me and my friends understand the future
I see strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no resistance 



The future broken down by a genuine half ass monkey boy 




Do you really need me to predict your future now? Do you still not see your part in the future? Monkeys are not musical geniuses necessarily, or fit to be presidents, and will never be one that pushes that war button. Maybe that makes us irresponsible, mischievous, self-centered and opportunistic. Maybe we don't appear to take relationships seriously or even life. But I'm pretty sure there are enough of you out there taking it all seriously enough for all of us. Monkeys, be yourselves. Everyone else, lighten up. Life is to short to go on living with no monkey in your life. 





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